Twenty-some years ago, or longer, I received, as a present, Robert
Fulghum’s book “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”. I admit
to not reading it past the first few pages, but I have recently been thinking
about the simple rules which I think, if followed, would make life a lot better
for all of us. I am not sure that I – or we – were even as old as kindergarten
when we learned them; on the other hand, my mother was a kindergarten teacher
so maybe I learned them early.
For the record, here are Fulghum’s lessons:
1.
Share everything.
2.
Play fair.
3.
Don't hit people.
4.
Put things back where you found them.
5.
CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.
6.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
7.
Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody.
8.
Wash your hands before you eat.
9.
Flush.
10.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11.
Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some
and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
12.
Take a nap every afternoon.
13.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick
together.
14.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Stryrofoam cup: The roots
go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are
all like that.
15.
Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam
cup - they all die. So do we.
16.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the
biggest word of all - LOOK.
These are good. Some, perhaps are a little hard, and maybe
even a little specific. Some work better in some contexts than others (#9 -- do
this less often when you live in a desert; #10 – not if you’re gluten or
lactose intolerant). I was thinking of 3 rules which, regularly violated in the
world in which I live (and, I’m certain, often by me), would, if followed, make
life much smoother and more pleasant.
So – “Josh’s rules”:
1.
Don’t try
to do two things at once. Despite
its popularity, “multi-tasking” is impossible; the best we can do is move
quickly between activities. This can work in the office setting, and makes one
more flexible. It is really courting disaster when driving a car. It can also
be pretty irritating to people you are with and are supposed to be talking to
when you are also trying to do something else (and if that something else is
playing games on your phone, don’t expect them to care a whit about you,
either).
2.
Look where
you are going. This, a shorter version of Fulghum’s lesson #16, is really
only a special case of my rule #1. Bumping into people because you are staring
at your phone, or just looking back or to the side while continuing to move
forward (or stepping back in a crowd) can cause a collision. Of course, when you
are driving a car (or a boat or train!) it is even more important!
3.
The Golden
Rule. Usually phrased as “Do unto others as you would have others do unto
you”. While this version is considered Christian, in that it is in the New
Testament, Matthew 7:12 (from the Sermon on the Mount), it has parallels in
most other cultures and religions. I’d say that while the positive form is
good, it is less critical. Yes, it would be nice if others would give you a
bunch of money, but you can’t be expected to do that to everyone. Mostly it is
about context; if you were a poor beggar you’d hope people would give you a
little money, so maybe you should consider giving some if you can afford it. But
the negative form is more important: DON’T do things to others that you
wouldn’t want them to do to you. This includes Fulghum’s lesson #3 (“Don’t hit
people”) and its congeners: Don’t make
war. Don’t spit in people’s faces. Don’t be mean to people. Don’t be cruel. If
we didn’t do these things, the world would be a much happier place.
Sometimes we use the profound logic of these rules as fodder
for jokes. For example, how fun it is to do things that are ridiculously
dangerous. I remember this concept crystallized by the character Ziva David in
an episode of NCIS: “What’s so hard
about driving? You go as fast as you can, and if something is in the way,
turn!” Of course, this is incredibly stupid even as said; what if there is
something in the way when you turn? But it sounds cool, especially to
adolescents (and more especially adolescent boys) and causes accidents, big and
small, fender benders and fatalities. Plus other folks driving this way is
actually what is responsible for slowing traffic on freeways! Variations on this
concept abound, and are uniformly bad ideas.
There are people who understand these rules but don’t
believe that they apply to them in the same way they do to others. Such people
are called narcissists. There are other people who don’t believe that these
rules should apply to anyone. They are sometimes called libertarians, but most
often morons. Then there are the most of us, who believe that these rules
should apply to everyone, including ourselves, but more or less often violate
them. We are not perfect. But we can strive to do better.
