I have read a number of business/management books, and have
several on my shelves. Nowhere near as many as a lot of people, based both on
those I know – in business and even more in management of medical operations
and academic departments (although the first, for sure, and the second often,
are basically businesses). They are obviously very popular, as there are many
of them in bookstores, especially in airport bookstores; this is not surprising
as such a high percentage of airport travelers are traveling on, well,
business.
The reason I don’t read more of them is not actually because
they are boring, which is the main reason I stop reading books. In fact, they
are often well written, witty, and make good points; they are often better written
and more engaging than a lot of non-fiction and fiction books. No, the reason
is that they all, basically, say the same thing. They may promote themselves as
being on different topics, such as negotiation, collaboration, maximizing
organizational success, understanding the psychology of the workplace, etc.,
but really they all (or at least the good, and in some ways ironically, most
successful ones) say “don’t be an asshole”. OK, I know that one of them is actually
called the “No Asshole Rule”[1],
but I meant it more generically, so if you want you can say “jerk” (although
Sutton, the author of the latter book, is quoted as saying “other words such as bully or jerk "do not convey the same degree of
awfulness".[2]
Maybe I prefer “jerk” because lots of bosses are not complete assholes but are
still toxic.
The
main thing here is that these books are in large part written for bosses, so
that they can become better bosses by working more effectively with their staff
in their organizations. The amazing thing is how difficult it is to get this
message through; these books keep appearing, keep selling a lot of copies, continue
to be quoted widely and featured on talk shows and in speeches and, and often
are cited not only by consultants (this is a big part of a consultant’s job, by
the way, quoting business books) but even in meetings by the same leaders that
they are aimed at – and who do not seem to be able to get the message.
I am
reminded of a friend (a family physician) telling me about an interdisciplinary
training session they went to (probably sponsored by the Association of
American Medical Colleges, AAMC) for chairs of all different medical specialties.
One of the speakers was a psychologist who was giving advice on how to gain the
respect of – or at least garner better performance from – employees and
colleagues, and in this case, mainly other physicians. The advice was things
like “listen to other people” and “even if you are listening (or not), act as
if you are – look at them, nod your head”, and sometimes just “look at them”.
Pretend you care. Ask about their lives and families. Tell people they are
doing a good job.
My
friend, trained as a family physician in an environment (and now a leader in an
environment) where every department and residency program has psychologists or
other “behavioral scientists” on the faculty, and where such skills as caring
and listening are central to the patient-care mission, was amazed that the speaker
was giving such emphasis to such elementary and obvious material.
Until
she looked around the room, and saw the other chairs, from other specialties,
assiduously taking notes. She imagined them writing down “look at other people”,
“act as if you are listening”, “act as if you care”. They probably were!
I don’t
mean to suggest that all family physician chairs are terrific and caring, or
that all other physician chairs are insensitive boors, although there is often
a selection bias in who goes into different specialties. I certainly don’t mean
that this problem is limited to, or even especially prevalent in physician
leaders. I just use them as an example because it is the group I am familiar
with. Indeed, it is likely that they have a little less of this problem than other business leaders because their attitudes
are modified by caring what happens to their patients, who are in fact other
people. This behavior is more obvious in hospital and health system
administrators who are not health workers but MBAs and CPAs, even though they
also at least pretend to care about the health of other people. I can only
imagine how much worse it is in industries where caring about people is not even
an ostensible consideration, where the Friedman Doctrine, “maximizing shareholder
profit” is the only driver.[3] Of course, this Doctrine is not always
accepted in business; a Forbes
article once called it “the world’s dumbest idea”.[4]
So
why is it that all these leaders cannot hear this and thus lead to more and
more books being published with the same message? Maybe the problem is not that
they don’t hear it, but that they are unable to integrate and act on the message. This could in fact be, in part,
due to their personalities – that they are essentially self-centered,
technocratic, un-self-aware, and really don’t care about other people. But it
is also, I am sure, because these tendencies are encouraged, de facto if not de jure, by the organizations of which they are a part. After all,
it was those organizations that hired them, that valued their technical skill
and narcissism more than their people skill (“mistaking confidence for
competence”, especially in men, as noted by Chamorro-Premuzic in the Harvard Business Review)[5],
despite all evidence of every study ever done that it is the ability to manage
people that makes an organization successful. Could this be projection? Are not
the bosses hiring the lower-level bosses the same kinds of people? Could be.
People
like to be complimented on their work, even more if they think they deserve it,
and dislike being criticized, especially if they think they deserve it. Even if
your boss says “Good job, Josh,” is a deadpan monotone, and you realize he has
just come back from one of these “employee relations” seminars and it is not
really sincere, it still feels a little good. Even if you know the person criticizing
you is wrong, is completely vindictive or self-centered or has even blamed you
for something someone else did, it still feels a little bad. At least to
non-narcissists.
This
is profoundly important. People like to be listened to. People like to be
heard. Of course, people also like to get what they want, and this doesn’t always
happen, and is not always a good idea. But a good leader listens and thinks
about what folks are saying, because no one is as smart as a group of which
they are a part. Whether the thoughts and insights of other people multiply yours
by many factors or are just a little bit extra, it is more than you had alone.
Things
you can do:
1.
If
you are a self-important narcissist, try to change. It will be hard because you
think this is why you are successful. But it is also why people hate you.
2.
If
you hire leaders, don’t hire self-important narcissists. This will be hard
because you might well be one yourself. Hire people who are not like you.
3.
If
you work for a self-important narcissist, do not emulate them. Demonstrate how decent
people act.
4.
If
you want to be a leader, do it as a decent person.
It is
not too hard to do this. It is not too hard to be a great leader. Partly, this
is because the bar is so low. Maybe the answer is to stop hiring narcissists,
certainly as leaders. Good luck on that…
[1]
Sutton, RI. The
No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't.
Business Plus. 2007.
[2] I
thought that there was a George Carlin comedy routine built upon the premise
that all other drivers were “assholes”, who drove faster than you, or “jerks”,
who drove slower. So you drove around muttering, alternately, “asshole”, “jerk”…but
actually he said “maniacs” and “idiots” https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/George_Carlin
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedman_doctrine
[4]
Denning S, ‘The Origin Of 'The World's
Dumbest Idea': Milton Friedman’, Forbes June
25, 2013
https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevedenning/2013/06/26/the-origin-of-the-worlds-dumbest-idea-milton-friedman/#739938cc870e
[5]
Chamorro-Premuzic T, “Why Do So
Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?”, Harvard
Business Review, Aug 22, 2013, https://hbr.org/2013/08/why-do-so-many-incompetent-men
